Give Yourself Permission
Give Yourself Permission
As a mom, we wake up to noise and chaos. We are woken up by little voices, screaming cries, or the never ending statement of “Give it back to me!” Our blood pressure is immediately rising, our palms are clenching the covers, and our body just wants to hide under the blankets a few minutes longer. What’s a mom to do?
Remember, you are the one in charge of these creatures. Give yourself permission to be in charge. Set the stage of expectations. This is where my keys of communication, consistency, schedule and love for raising our angels come to light. Communicate, in a loving manner, some courtesies and polite behavior to your children and model them in a loving way. Whether it is a school morning or the weekend, create some rules that everyone should follow. 
Perhaps, acknowledge how hard it is to be woken up to arguing vs. laughter. Invite them to learn how to lay in bed with you to bring in the morning in a comfortable fashion. This is a wonderful way to introduce meditation of breathing as well as teaching them how to set their own intentions for their day. Be a model for this. Say out loud what you are thinking so they have something to mimic.
Maybe everyone snuggles together and practices breathing strategies to begin the morning stress free. Practicing to bring in the new day may help your youngsters learn to connect to themselves before the pressures of life start. Create a rule of quiet with talk that is only necessary, kind, and helpful. Have Siri play some tranquil meditation music. They say music calms the savage beast.
If they are too old for the whole snuggle thing, find out how they like their mornings. Do they like them loud? With music and conversation or do they just enjoy quiet? This conversation can happen over a plate of veggies and dip after school. Maybe your child likes to read a favorite book and not be bothered by others in the morning. That’s fair.
Whichever ways they enjoy spending their early morning minutes, remind them that a mom isn’t a maid who drives everyone around like an Uber. Be a model to them on how to be on schedule and on time. Model calm speaking with a few reminders to stay on time for departure. Consistency counts. As you model the happiness that you feel from your tranquil morning, they will want it too. Whatever the mood and personality of your children, show how to create solitude. It is a great gift that they will learn and use later in life.
Believe me, they will conform. At my job, sometimes I’m asked to substitute for a class. Right away, the excitement of not having their teacher, the one in charge, brings out the students’ overzealous joy. Yet as I am aware of this, I announce in a calm, quiet, and kind way my expectations of their behavior and attitude. Right away, they see their boundaries and realize the consequences that come with stepping out of them.
By keeping my actions consistent with reminders and communication, they see the true love from my teaching and allow the transfer of power from their teacher to me. The power I speak of isn’t one that comes from me, but from their awareness of the situation. It’s when they are not reminded of their self awareness is when the chaos begins.
Try to create thoughts in your own mind as your go-to when the chaos begins. These can be found from a past vacation, a fun time spent with your children, or a memory you have tucked away before children. Being grateful for your children, enjoying their voices, and knowing that this stage will end soon may be the only thoughts you need.
Easy for me, my kids are grown and away from home at college back east. Yup, the grass is always greener, but how you want to wake up is up to you. So set the rules, be a model, and practice stopping to smell the flowers or listening to the silence. Nothing is created overnight. Stay true to what you want as your outcome and show your happiness. This happy feeling is contagious. Watch as your youngsters pick up on the positive change in their environment. Observe how their body language changes for the better.
Not all families can begin this so easily. A pending divorce and the moving of children back and forth can be the burden that has taken over everyone’s heart. Believe me, this is a perfect time to create this positive atmosphere. Your ex-spouse may not believe in this nor want to participate. That’s ok. Teaching your children these strategies to help them find their own peace is something they can practice when they are not with you. Remind your partner that the change will offer a more stress free zone at home. Help them see the change and help them work towards it. Modeling kindness in front of your children during this tough time in their lives may be just the thing that helps them get through.
Give yourself permission to live your life on your terms. No one else will. Sometimes the chaos continues into our day at work and all around us. We are pushed into so many directions. The list can become so overwhelming. Let the tears come. Let the frustration come to the surface. Feel them and say a big thank you. They’re ultimately there to help you. Dig in and form the pieces yourself. If you want this tranquil feeling in your work day, create it. Dig in and make it happen. No one else can do it for you because you are the only one who knows the feelings that strike you and put you in peace.
It does work! Your young elementary and middle school aged youngsters are looking for that space of calm that offers love and acceptance. They will be hesitant at first, but only because they are unsure creatures. They are still in learning mode. They are trying to understand who they are as well as the people that exist around them. Every person, no matter what age, wants to feel love and the safety from the people in their lives. This works because once they see the truth in it, they want it more.
Keep in mind, you have the means to do this, but it will take all your power to reach it. This is where it may get tricky. There’s that side of us that becomes concerned about what others may think. The judgment is all around. Let others think what they will. This is probably the hardest part, but venture forth. Others will ridicule or say upsetting things only because they wish they had the courage to do the same. Radiate your happiness from your changes. Feel how your life creates the peace just from simplifying.
Bear in mind, this is your life. It isn’t won by those who are always in the spot light, controlling others, or by trying to be involved in every group. It is won by those who dare to be themselves and adjust their lives to their peace they seek within. The ones that judge are the ones that want what you have but don’t know how to get it. Instead of asking, they condemn. Give yourself permission to take charge, keep your strength, respond in a kind way, and enjoy your peace.
