Worry of the Empty Nester

On the west coast on a Saturday morning, I wake up and pour my cup of coffee. As I stretch and breathe, I wonder what the weather is like on the east coast. That happens to be where my daughters attend college, one in grad school and the other a senior graduating in May. My wonder sometimes turns to worry. After four years as an empty nester, worry is always in the back of my mind. It never really goes away, but there are some things that make it bearable.

Technology is my friend. I use texting, Snapchat, Facetime, and of course phone calls to stay connected to my girls. Just a quick Snapchat photo and remark will give me a response to where they are and what they’re up to at that moment. If no response to the Snapchat, I’ll simply text a hello and ask what’s up for the day.

As a family rule, we’ve always had in place that the person receiving a text from a family member must reply if available. Sometimes I’ll get an immediate text back stating in class or studying. If time goes by, I know to give them time.  That’s when I’ll get a text that they were in the shower. It helps with worrying because you almost get a daily message or call. This clearly rests the worrisome mind and keeps it from going off into speculations.

The trick is to connect occasionally throughout your day, but not become a pest. For example, we have a family group chat on texting where someone will put a joke, tell about something funny during their day, or post some good news or accomplishment. This is a good time to converse with a few words and emojis.

The important thing to remember is not to overdo it with your posts to them. Let them reach out to you.  Honestly, the more I let them live their lives, the more phone calls and Facetime I receive. They’ll start penciling you into their day. One daughter calls occasionally as she is walking back to her apartment from the train. The fact that this is her down time and she picks me to chit chat is a great feeling.

Recognize, the more you leave them alone, the more they reach out to you. After studying, sometimes I’ll hear Facetime going off. At that point, the Nora Krank in me comes rushing out as I sprint for the phone. Believe me; I have over done it with too many posts or texts in the past. It is definitely a learning curve to figure out just the right amount of contact and when, but when you get it right, it is fabulous.