Recently, I’ve been put in the position of experiencing youngsters, still guided by their ego, who went down the wrong path of dishonesty. As a foursome of students were playing handball during their PE time, they decided to pick on another student by pushing his buttons. They were changing the rules of the game to better themselves and frustrate the other. This prompted the student to run off. Luckily for me, his trusty sidekick of a friend went after him. As I directed the students back into their classroom, I asked the frustrated student and his friend to hang outside and let me know what happened. Next, we called the others who were involved to talk about the incident.

The Incident: The Beginning

The upset student started by stating that the others were being bullies. In my opinion, many students cling to that word when something like this comes up because it is an attention getter. Although the definition of a bully is a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers smaller and weaker people, these individuals didn’t act with all these qualities. However, when an individual is pushing the buttons of another who is smaller in stature, I believe it is on the border of bullying.

Because I had to resort to taking away classroom bucks earned by having good behavior from some of these students involved, this seemed to be the cause of their revenge on me, the substitute teacher. Next to a stay-at-home mom, this is probably the toughest job going. No one talks to you, you are rarely looked at like a person who has the education and qualifications of being a classroom teacher, and the silence in the lounge with turned looks can sometimes be very daunting.

Thinking the Coast is Clear

Since the students went down the path thinking they are now scot free, they don’t realize that their previous actions and the evidence left behind are the very aspects that will probably reverse their counterblow. As I let the anger, sadness, and bleakness leave my thoughts, it occurred to me that parents are too quick to defend their own children. Please let me state that I am not saying that we never back our children, however we must practice letting our children find their way as we guide them.

As adults, we have experienced many ups and downs with situations where we have analyzed and realized the beginning points. It is up to parents to step in and guide their children using the same fashion. For example, knowing that my child was involved in a situation where they were picking on another individual, I would see red flags if they began stating negative actions of an adult involved. When children get in trouble, they immediately look for the escape hatch before analyzing all their actions. No one wants to be punished and lose their privileges with the items they enjoy at home, but it is up to parents to stop for a second, look at their child’s actions and step in with love.

Being a Parent & Not a Friend

Some adults these days are trying to be friends with their children rather than a parent. However, it can be cool and you can show your child down the positive path by stepping in. It’s important to realize that children run for the first door for escape when involved in a situation they know will bring them a disappointment and/or punishment from their parents. Because these parents were too quick to call the school defending their child, they forgot that their children are young and inexperienced with hiding the truths and understanding how to act with integrity.

If no changes were made in their story, I would begin the questioning process. In a loving way, I would ask them about the situation and only focus on their behavior and not the behavior of the other students or teacher. This shows the child their hand in the situation. It is important to behave as the parent. Helping your child see that lying is never acceptable is crucial. In addition, parents must show them the outcome to those involved when a child lies about a situation. By guiding them towards the truth, you are showing them that speaking out of line can cause others hurt feelings and make them, the child, untrustworthy.    

Telling the Truth is Crucial

Learning to tell the truth is the hardest lesson to learn. It goes in line with teaching your child about shaming each other and the effects is has on our ability to learn. Keeping name calling of themselves or others out of the environment of the home is the first step.

Eliminate Name Calling

Just like Brene Brown teaches, eliminating shame or name calling increased the chance of vulnerability to enter our hearts. When vulnerability is present, an individual is in a better position to learn. They don’t have their shields up preventing the knowledge from reaching their hearts and soul. When this kind of learning environment is present, your child will become successful at whatever they focus on.

Since shaming on themselves or from others doesn’t exist, children maneuver towards their dreams at a faster rate of accomplishment. I know from fact that this occurs by watching my daughters receive their PhD and MBA. In addition to their own success towards their path, they become happier siblings. Consistency and love are keys to raising successful children to accomplished individuals. Brene Brown’s Daring Classrooms:  https://youtu.be/DVD8YRgA-ck

Happy Siblings; Friends Forever

By helping parents understand that questioning their children about their truth, examining the aspects, and acknowledging your status to them as a parent and not a friend, I hope to teach integrity, truth, and the true meaning of being a parent. My daughter, who is working on her PhD at Temple as an archaeologist, told me that by me taking away her phone and television privileges back in the day, she acknowledged to me that was the best thing I could have done. As she looks back and sees how others around her act, she said it preventing her from becoming a real jerk. If she wasn’t stopped to look at herself, she shared that she wouldn’t have changed. By having her go through losing her devices, it made her look at herself.  In order to help raise a responsible individual ready to take on all of the world’s problems, it is essential that we teach our children well.