Have you ever felt so left out? Left out of your own family and the community around you? What a weird feeling to experience how others feel about your presence. Some don’t like what you look like and even your name. It seems we have moved into another stage of criticism where people don’t care about anything and let you know it.

Hurt Brings the Lesson

In the past, I was a victim of a family member posting mean and insulting words along with threats of violence. As a kid of the 70’s, I’m so thrown back at this as a reality. Computers and portable phones were the hopes in our day which came to fruition. It is so unbelievable how they are used to such extremes and in ways of hurting others.

Like a wise friend always reminds me, everything that feels bad or causes stress is actually a lesson. Even if I see how folks feel about the name and pigment, it is a lesson for me. It is my lesson to understand that it is either their own opinion, and people are allowed, or a trigger occurring in order for me to heal from something in the past.

The Lesson Unfolds

It is funny how once I begin to realize I’m in another lesson, the universe starts bringing to my attention all the past hurt. I’ve learned when these memories show themselves, I realize it’s me who created the false setting or plot by putting on my rose-colored glasses. By looking back, it helps me to see that these mean people have always been here. I have found that I can wallow in the hurt and let it destroy pieces of me. Or I can see all as mini lessons to help me become a better person.

Change What You Think

Looking at your own name or skin color being attacked can sting, but when it brings up past occurrences, that should be the hint that your mind is ready to learn something new. Gone are the days where I would repeat constantly, “Why is all this happening to me?” Now I simply feel the pain but now state, “This is popping up to teach me something new about myself. These kinds of reveals usually help to strengthen me body and soul.

We’re not in Control of Everything

I don’t know one person who enjoys being put down. However, once I learned to look at the lesson, I can move through the bad feeling much easier. We have to remember that we’re not in control of how others see us or what they do. However, we can look at the things we can control and protect our positivity by using our boundaries.

I remember when my father passed and no one from my initial family even called to tell me. I ended up finding out on a text. We were walking downtown to the community parking lots near our church. Because of the ice, I can still hear the crunching below my rubber boots. As I walk hand in hand with my dad, we go retrieve the car after a snowstorm. It’s funny how I would’ve never guessed that my siblings and even mother would not reach out to me to let me know about his death.

Endure with Boundaries

Through this I realized the amount of lies that have had to be taking place for other family members such as cousins to remain silent as well. What a weird feeling to remember the holidays of playing with each other at Christmas as children and to see that one day no one would offer their voice.

It’s funny how those who do the hurting see the boundaries as us trying to create drama. Whereas we just want to stay out of it. I never understood the competition that boundaries create to those who try very hard to break them down in order to claim it as their territory. I’ve found that some either forget or chose not to use the quality of apology for their actions and substitute excuses. Along with their excuses for their actions, some like to bring their religion with any scripture that might coincide.

Truth will Set You Free

The truth is that triggers usually come from someone else’s unhappiness. Like the old saying goes, hurt people hurt people. Now is the time to wrap our brains around this. Next look at them as the 5 year old they’re acting and soon we can find the lesson in it all.